I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
