it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
