Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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