Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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