She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
