That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
