Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
