If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was like eating out sand paper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
