i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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