Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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