Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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