Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
