ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
