you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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