No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
