Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
