I think my vagina is haunted
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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