I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
