I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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