A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
