I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
