I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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