3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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