i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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