There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
