i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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