This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
zippers are such a cool invention
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i out mim tonsoeep
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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