So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
