what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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