Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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