Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
