I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
