chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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