i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
