Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
