I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
