he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
