I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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