the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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