The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
