I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
