Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
