This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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