There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
