Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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