Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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