Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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