Whod you bang
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
