just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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