Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
