Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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