this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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