I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
