you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
